Day 8 - Friday Night's All Right For Fighting

Many of you may recognize the name of this post as the title of Season 6, Episode 13. About a week ago Savannah texted me at an ungodly hour to let me know she was literally LOL-ing her ass off watching this episode of familial dysfunction and confrontation.

I decided that I needed to immediately review said episode to refresh my memory of the exact context.

Savannah's description:
"Momma! I'm watching the episode in season 6 when the whole family is fighting at dinner then getting along and then fighting and then getting along. It feels like our lives. Haha."

I received the message with a mix of pride and trepidation.

First, I was exhilarated that she was reminded of her own family and second, I was mortified that what inspired that comparison was fighting - then getting along - then fighting - then getting along.

I jumped into the tub, set up my bathtub office and re-watched the entire episode.

In the context of Savannah's declaration, and my previous countdown posts, I had several epiphanies during my review. Here you go:

1. OMG - Lorelai actually shows all the growth and insight I have heretofore claimed she was without! Yes, it's true! In this episode, Lorelai orchestrates a reunion between Rory and her grandparents (to which none of them consented) and counsels her daughter with these wise, wise, words:

"You and your grandparents are at a huge crossroads - a precipice, if you will - they are the bridges of Madison County and you are Meryl Streep...I know you and your grandparents are playing 'who can freeze out who the longest' - which I know can be fun - but if you ever hope to have a relationship with again, then someone needs to make the first move.

"I remember the first Christmas (yes - there's a Christmas tie-in!) after we left Hartford. We were at the Independence Inn and I got an invitation to their annual Christmas party and I didn't go, and that one move defined our entire future relationship."

Lorelai goes on to admit that her effort to break the ice so many years ago wouldn't have felt wonderful, but it may have been the first step to a different relationship and potentially different future for both her and Rory.

After Rory admits that it may - or may not have- made a difference, Lorelai pulls at her daughter's heartstrings, emphasizing how important a relationship with her grandparents has always been to Rory. Then Lorelai pulls out the big guns - she's already scheduled Friday Night Dinner for all of them - just like old times.

"C'mon - Friday night dinner - cocktails, Mozart, mind games, good times."

OMG! I have to reiterate the horrible text talk for this one. I actually feel badly for condemning Lorelia so harshly without giving her performance in this episode its due. She is the Lorelai I've always longed for - the one I knew was there somewhere - the one who was able to contribute to the growth and development of an exceptional daughter.

Kudos, Lorelai! Kudos!

2. Family dinners are prone to awfulness. I like to believe that when our family gets together it's always awesome, but I know that is likely not the total truth. While I, as the grownup, may have one perspective, my loinfruit may have another.

I tried to watch the melodrama of the Friday night dinner in question play out from Savannah's perspective. After a while, it wasn't a challenge to see what she was so ebulliently texting me about.

There was a veneer of formality and politeness, under which months and years of resentment, misunderstanding, fear, and love were bubbling.

They were all on edge until they were shouting outright at one another.

Then they were all admonished to behave civilly and give every one at the table their due.

Then they were all laughing uncontrollably as they all united in spiteful mirth against a common enemy.

Then they were dredging up age-old hurts and parading them out for good measure.

Then they were uniting again.

Then dissenting.

And so on...

I believe it is the combination of bi-polar responses and full cocktails that really brough thte episode home for my progeny.

3. Through the years, we all will be together...Even if it's only during the holidays, family will haunt you until the end of your days - and we wouldn't it any other way.

Whether we like it or not, family is hard to shake - and most of the time that's a really, REALLY good thing. And they're gonna stand by us no matter how much we go off their pre-planned course for us, or how many tattoos we get, or how much we vote for the opposite political party.

What watching this episode after the input of my daughter did for me, was to solidify the importance - and blessing - of family in our lives.

Rarely are we so motivated to understand the other side's point of view. To put aside our gut reaction to hear what someone else has to say. To look past our biases to see the best in others - because we see those others as human beings, and part of our whole.

The big, bad truth is that we very rarely see eye-to-eye with those in our lives. But there are reasons that we soldier on - business, friendship and family. And, when it comes to family, we don't really have a choice. Of course, we could choose to freeze out our family forever, but if those relationships matter, we're going to work to find a way to get to neutral ground. And that's exactly what this episode explores - and it doesn't make it pretty.

Whether we like it or not, we tend to love our family - and that forgives a multitude of (real OR imagined) sins. This "Gilmore Girls" episode shows us how to navigate those stormy waters. Next time you're at a loss for how to get past something with your great aunt or brother-in-law, sit everyone down in front of this episode and (if it's your style) pour a fresh round of drinks and watch a family that's more (for the moment) dysfunctional than yours.

And laugh, and shake your head, and use the break in tension to become friends again. Believe me, it will be worth it.

XOXO to all the families and other complicated relationships out there - love one another!

Day #8 - My favorite quote from the episode under discussion:

"I tried to timeshare a plane. It is in no way even close to the same thing."

Day 9 - soooo close!!

Day #9 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By

(just some favorite moments to make us all warm, fuzzy and not a little snarky)

Anniversaries (a re-post)

This week marks two tough anniversaries, and I just don't have the wherewithal to delve back in this year. But they are heavy on my heart and so I want them to be acknowledged. Therefore, here's the post I wrote one year ago...my Gilmore Girls tie-in is that I know they say goodbye to Richard Gilmore (Edward Hermann) in the new episodes, so here's to all of us who've lost someone and still feel the sting of their absence and the warmth of their memory.

an·ni·ver·sa·ry

ˌanəˈvərs(ə)rē/

noun

1. the date on which an event took place in a previous year.

   "the 50th anniversary of the start of World War II"

   • the date on which a country or other institution was founded in a previous year.

     "Canada's 125th anniversary"
   • the date on which a couple was married in a previous year.

     "he even forgot our tenth anniversary!"

     
     

     
     

     For better or worse — just as in the wedding vows so notably associated with the idea of anniversaries — certain dates, moments, events mark us forever. 

     
     

     Some are relatively easy. The day we were born or met our true love or became a parent or got proposed to on the beach. Those are fine anniversaries. Dates to remember, revisit and celebrate. Pop the champagne, crank the tunes and cue the laughs. These are moments to mark. They remind us of who we are, where we came from and where we hope to go.

     
     

     Others are more challenging but just as persistent. Sometimes even more so. None more difficult than the dates, moments and events where we had to say goodbye. 

     
     

     For as surely as the moon follows the sun, anniversaries of sorrow and pain dog our days. 

     
     

     These occasions of remembrance are not less important than those occasions of celebration. In fact, they are so bittersweet because they co-mingle the joy of a person with the pain of their absence. 

     
     

     Today marks one year (two years, now) since Tyler's dear, sweet girl Julianne took her leave. 
     
     Twelve months, 365 (730) days, 52 (104) weeks that I can scarcely believe have passed. 
     
     A year in which I have cried so many tears. For so many reasons. And so many for Tyler, for Julianne, for my friend who unexpectedly lost her husband, for old friends who tragically lost a son, for a baby boy lost so many years ago, for my beloved grandfather and wonderful aunt, for a desperate uncle, for my little brother's childhood best friend, for too many lost to the despair of suicide over the years and their loved ones left to carry on...for everyone faced with the stark and irrevocable absence of someone they loved. 

     
     

     Most of these sorrows I have carried with me for years if not decades, but the beautiful Julianne opened my floodgates. I don't know why and I still haven't been able to really stem the tide. And part of me is okay with that. I believe the memory of a person, the celebration of a person, the absence of a person deserves attention, notice, acknowledgement and even tears. Especially tears as it seems that is the best I have to give in their honor. 

     
     

     Standing in Today and looking backward I am grateful for many things. I am supremely glad and eternally grateful that I answered the phone on the second ring when Tyler called in the wee hours of the morning. I am so grateful that I kissed Julianne on the cheek and said "I love you" the last time I saw her. I'm grateful I did the same to my grandfather the last time I was able to share a day with him. 

     
     

     I'm thankful that it's a year (2, now) later and Tyler is strong, happy, healthy and more hopeful than I can remember. 

     
     

     I'm grateful that I've seen enough loss to know that we can survive. That we do survive. And that our survival honors and celebrates those we so desperately miss. But that doesn't diminish the loss or make the anniversary easier. 

     
     

     What I do know is that over time — and it may be a very long time — the anniversaries come with less weight. Less dark weather and haunted dreams. The first time you realize the anniversary is upon you without weeks of gloom and despair heralding its arrival you will feel guilty. For some reason we are prone to wear grief as the testament of our love, devotion and remembrance. But, when we think about it objectively, we would never want anyone paralyzed in mourning on our behalf. 

     
     

     The undeniable truth is that anniversaries are unavoidable. Some we look forward to and some we wish had no reason to exist. But their acknowledgement — and their passing — is imperative. 

     
     

     In the words of King Solomon, 

     
     

     "There is a time for everything,

     and a season for activity under the heavens:

     
     
     

     a time to be born and a time to die,

     
     
     

     a time to plant and a time to uproot,

     
     
     

     a time to kill and a time heal,

     
     
     

     a time to tear down and time to build,

     
     
     

     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

     
     
     

     a time to mourn and a time to dance,

     
     
     

     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

     
     
     

     a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

     
     
     

     a time to search and a time to give up,

     
     
     

     a time to keep and a time to throw away,

     
     
     

     a time to tear and a time to mend,

     
     
     

     a time to be silent and a time to speak,

     
     
     

     a time to love and a time to hate,

     
     
     

     a time for war and a time for peace."

     
     Anniversaries are a time for us to remember, to mourn, to celebrate, to share and to heal. For Tyler this is the first (second) of many tough anniversaries to come, and that breaks my heart. But he is up to the task and I am so proud of him. Along with the pain, anniversaries also bring resilience. 
     
     I am indescribably devastated to have this anniversary to mark but am so grateful for the love, light, joy and healing that it brings along with the sadness. Because to remember that bright girl is to remember sweetness, authenticity and a true, genuine spirit that was rare for a girl of just 17. She was delightful. I am so glad to have known her and cooked meals for her and watched the way she looked at Tyler and never once hesitated in calling Tyler "him." 
     
     We love you Julianne. You are in our hearts now and forever. 
     
     
     

     

   
   
2. Day #11 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By

Footloose vs. Mrs. Kim

If you know anything about Mrs. Kim, you know that she is a formidable, Christian, Tiger Mom of the first order. Her daughter, Lane, is Rory's best friend and Stars Hollow's resident expert on all things punk, rock, and otherwise pop musical.

Growing up in the shadow of Mrs. Kim forced Lane to become inordinately creative in hiding her secular interests. Lane took sweeping things under the rug to new (and literal) heights heretofore unknown by mortal teenage miscreant. The fact that she had a completely categorized and indexed library of music, clothing, makeup and anything else deemed dangerous by Mrs. Kim, hidden in the floor of her bedroom makes Lane the iconic teenage foil of overprotective mothers everywhere.

For those of us who grew up loving "Footloose," Lane's predicament resonated.

I, for years, have described my own teen years in terms of "Footloose." Secular music, dancing, makeup, etc. were all forbidden. My mother and Mrs. Kim would've been besties!

But I had something Lane didn't—a stepfather with an unwavering commitment to logic and reason.

In very similar fashion to Ren (we're back to "Footloose"), I, too, pulled out the big guns in my fervent quest to be allowed to dance. I also turned to the Good Book and the words of King David to make my impassioned plea in defense of dancing. It didn't hurt that I also threw in my stellar record of behavior, grades, and responsibility for consideration.

On her own, my mother—like Lane's—would not have been swayed.

And I can't blame her. She was acting in good conscience. In defense of my mortal soul. Her restrictions and limitations were out of love and a desire to save me from the inevitable follies, misfortunes and heartbreaks of growing up. And, of course, from the waiting lake of fire with all the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

However, my mother was not on her own. She was married. And, like any good, Christian woman, she believed in obeying her husband. A state of affairs that (I must admit) fills me with a mortal dread, but for which I was supremely grateful as a teenager eager to get her groove on.

This unexpected blessing was two-fold for me. First, I had an awesome man who was willing to listen to my arguments and consider my case in a fair and just manner. Second, I had a mother who (whether she liked it or not) was going to support her husband's take on the situation.

Ultimately, I think we all benefitted from this arrangement—even if we didn't realize it at the time.

In the end, I, along with Lane and the kids of "Footloose" won my right to dance.

And, when Lane finally reached out to Mrs. Kim, she got what she wanted, too. Mostly. In fact, Mrs. Kim became so gung-ho in her efforts to support Lane's Rock-n-Roll dreams, that she single-handedly booked Hep Alien on their first tour. Granted, it was a church tour, but she held nothing back when it came to believing in her daughter and her dreams.

The wonderful thing about each of these repressive situations is that when everyone finally opened up and talked (and listened) to one another, love always won out.

While I never went to the same lengths that Lane went to, in order to subvert her mother's smothering love, I've always felt she was a kindred spirit.

It wasn't until recently, during my reviewing of "Gilmore Girls" that I recognized the correlation between Lane and my own "Footloose" teen narrative. And, I realized that the townspeople of "Footloose" would have been hard-pressed to stand their own against Mrs. Kim. When it comes to strict rules about behavior, influences, and who you can date (Korean boys are always preferred), Mrs. Kim would win every single time.

There's no love like a mother's love, and even though "Gilmore Girls" is rife with motherly devotion, there's no mother more insanely dedicated to what she believes is her daughter's best interest than Mrs. Kim. She doesn't compromise. She doesn't waver. And, even though she has a first-class ticket on the crazy train, she always ends up doing the right thing for her daughter.

So, on this, the 12th day of my vigil waiting to watch the next chapter in the "Gilmore Girls" saga, I give props to Mrs. Kim and her fanatical motherly devotion.

Day #12 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By (or not...)

Friday Night Promise

I have a great blog post in the works but neither the will nor wit to complete and post tonite. I am sooooo lame - but enjoy this Gilmore Girls gif of lameness in the meantime...

Ciao!

(That quote is also the Day #13 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By - under 2 weeks to go!!)

'Nuff Said

Hate Mail for Christopher Hayden

Dear Christopher,

We don't know one another, and for that you should be grateful, because I have a very deep-seated disdain and dislike for you and your half-hearted deadbeat daddy antics. Not to overlook the sleazy, interfering, always-ready-to-hop-in-bed opportunism you employed whenever it struck your fancy to be in mating range of Lorelai.

I don't care that you were 16 years old and that you didn't have any balls, backbone or moral compass to guide you to do the right thing and be there for the human being that you willingly created. You sucked as a father - actually - you never were a father. You were a sperm-donor, and in that department I have to say you did pretty well. Rory is, after all, a successful, attractive, smart, fairly compassionate person and you did supply half of her genetic material. Beyond that, though, you were a complete zero.

Where were you for the first 16 years of Rory's life? You never even visited the town where she lived - and when you finally did, your credit card was declined trying to buy some favor in the form of a book.

After you made your big reappearance, you acted like you were owed full daddy rights - whether in regard to parental concern or taking pride in the kid's accomplishments. You can't stroll in 16 years later and lay claim to a lifetime that you completely neglected. It's easy to walk in and start marking your parental territory when the kid is just about 15 minutes away from fully-baked. Their basic character, values, ambitions, etc. are pretty much already set at that point - and to try to take any credit for how that turned out while you were nowhere in sight is disgusting.

But, not to worry, because you were gone again soon enough. And you didn't even make an effort to see the girl graduate from high school. The man who serves her coffee was there, but her DNA donor? No way.

And, FYI - inheriting a bunch of money doesn't wipe out the jackassery of the past. Sure, it was great to give Rory some help and let Emily and Richard ease off the checkbook (although we know it led to the Rory Gilmore Observatory), but it doesn't make you a hero. Money today doesn't make up for not being there yesterday. Especially when you didn't have to work hard or sacrifice anything to make the gesture.

By the way - I think it's awesome that you got a little bit of comeuppance when Sherry hit the road and Gigi turned into the second coming of the green-pea spewing girl from the "Exorcist." If it's wrong to gloat at an asshat's well-deserved misery, then I don't want to be right. If only you'd somehow lost all the money and had to struggle like Lorelai did with Rory, the justice would have been so much more poetic.

Beyond your seriously lacking performance as a father, you were fantastic as a lust-driven douchebag. You played that role perfectly. Sure, it takes two to tango, but you never even considered turning Lorelai away - even when you were still with Sherry. You just couldn't wait to get back in that Gilmore girl's panties. And trying to turn it into some long, lost, fated destiny was just pathetic - even if Lorelai fell for it.

Every time you had a chance to be better you missed it. Even when you had finally done all the supposedly right things, including getting married (GAG!), you still acted like a schmuck. Boo-hoo that Lorelai couldn't instantly turn off all her feelings for the man who has been in her life (and Rory's) all the years you weren't.

You acted like the same 16-year-old doofus who lamely said, "I guess this means we have to get married now," while staring at his newborn baby - then promptly disappeared.

You were jealous and threw a temper tantrum and to prove your point decided to just blow off the fact that your father-in-law had a heart attack? Way to give your wife and daughter and a whole pile of other people who tried to love you and defend you (and always gave you one more chance) a great big middle finger.

The fact is, I could probably spew this hateful vitriol for days, but I don't wish to give you any more time than you deserve. I just needed to get this off my chest. I really, really don't like you. And I don't think you were ever a good guy. I'm not sure what I'll see from you when I finally get to catch up with the whole gang (only 16 more days!) but my bet is it'll only fan my flames of rage and disgust.

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out - because even if you do show up, we know you'll be running scared in no time. I'd like to say I look forward to seeing you again, but I really don't.

Terribly vexed,

Rebecca

Day #16 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By

"I can be a family man. I'm responsible now."

"Honey, you can't even buy a book without having your credit card declined."

I want Nanny!

Remember when Doyle was sick and Paris had zero patience for it and totally sucked at taking care of him? But then she had one of her best brainstorms ever and pulled Nanny off the bench to nurse him back to health?

I wish I had a Nanny.

I know I'm a mom and there are many traits of mine that, in the right context, get mistaken for nurturing, but I am not awesome at taking care of sick people—especially if the sick people are my significant other.

Matty Patty has been sick for, like, EVER. And it totally sucks. And he is completely miserable. And, very selfishly, so am I. I just want him to feel better already. I lack patience for coughing and other unpleasant sounds sick people make. I have also had a cough, and I'm sure he doesn't think it's super sexy, but at least mine has had the decency to mostly go away by now.

Even with my kids, I know I wasn't the best when they were sick. I'm good at offering the things I can offer, such as meds, hot beverages, soup, a bath, a blanket. But then I want you to take what you like from the comforts on my menu, go to sleep, and wake up all better.

I don't know why I have so little patience for sick people. Maybe it's a sign that I have little patience for people in general.

Which, I guess, is pretty true. That's why right now, as I go through this girlfriend trial—and fail spectacularly—Paris is my hero.

Here's to you, Geller—long may you rave!

She knows herself—her strengths and her weaknesses

She gives zero fucks about most things most of the time.

She knew what Terri and I try to teach all the young women—wear the bikini when you're young!

She has no time for stupidity.

She never takes her eye off the prize.

Day #17 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By

Day 19 - Taking a Break

Day #19 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By

Things I Can't Stand About Lorelai Gilmore

I used to gush about Lorelai and wish I had the same cool-mom cred, but after my recent re-viewing of all seven seasons, I feel a bit differently. I still love momma Gilmore, but along with my previous placement of her at the cool kids' table, I also think she'd be right at home in "Heathers" or leading the Plastics.

In the pursuit of fairness, (and in response to my own list of things I love about her) here's a look at the things I really don't like about Ms. Gilmore.

1. She's super self-involved.
Lorelai seems like a great gal to have on your side - and I think that's mostly true. As long as whatever you have going on doesn't interfere in any way with her personal drama du jour. Whether's it's the baptism of Sookie's babies or the death of Michel's beloved Chin-Chin, Lorelai has a very hard time looking past her own feels to give any real compassion and/or empathy to those who give it to her on the regular.
Best examples:

• Giving a magazine interview that publicly skewers her mother without any thought about the fallout. 
• Obsessing about the wedding date she didn't cancel instead of trying to understand how much April rocked Luke's world - she's the last person who should throw a fit because someone wants to put their kid first (especially after missing out on the first 12 years!).
• Every time she treats Sookie like her personal assistant instead of her best friend.

2. She's often more a friend than a mother.
This is one of the things that, at first, makes her seem like a cool mom. However, in my book (and as I told my own kidlets repeatedly), being a mom isn't about being friends. It's about keeping them alive and helping them become self-sufficient, happy adults who contribute to the world in which they live. I'm not saying that Lorelai didn't do that, but she was often more into being besties that she came off like a big sister instead of the grownup in charge.
Best examples:

• Helping Lane and Rory lie to Mrs. Kim - no matter how cray-cray Mrs. Kim could be, that's not mom behavior.
• The constant complaining about and belittling of her own parents - what kind of example is that (and where's the gratitude)?
• Ganging up on the poor ballerina with Rory.

3. She sticks her nose where it doesn't belong.
Lorelai has an opinion about every little thing, and she (in her own mind) is pretty much always right. She speaks her mind freely and with very little (if any) self-editing. Sometimes that's endearing, but often it just made everything worse. She wants us to think she is the big, independent voice of reason who dares to say what everyone else is thinking, but usually she's just getting too involved in drama of which she needs no part.
Best examples: 

• Confronting April's mom after the slumber party without running it by Luke, or even checking with April. Not cool.
• Every single "if you hurt my daughter" conversation she had with Rory's various boyfriends. In fact, nearly every private convo with Rory's paramours was cringe-worthy and over the line.

4. She's unforgiving.
Oh. My God. Lorelai has a LONG memory and she never forgives and forgets - especially when it comes to her parents. She is still angry at them for trying to protect her as a kid and provide her with a life of privilege and opportunity. They'd never had a daughter who got pregnant at 16 before, and they didn't know how to handle it, but they didn't throw her out as many real-life people do. Yes, Richard and Emily know how to go overboard, be controlling and play the same grudge game, but she never learns to put her pride aside for the greater good. Lorelai even freezes Rory out when she goes to her grandparents for help.
Best examples:

• Every time she reignites her years-old resentment and hurt because her mom looks at her funny.
• Not inviting her parents to her college graduation.
• Hiding her engagement to Luke from her mom.

5. She wears tiny scarves.
Seriously - what's up with those baby scarves?


6. She's immature.
The longer I watched Lorelai run around and around (and around) in the same circles with her parents, her love life and even her daughter, the more she seemed like the same clueless, frightened 16-year-old kid who got knocked up. Sure, she became a successful business owner, but her tantrums, fits and endless grudges became tiresome. No matter how much Lorelai is lauded as the cool mom to end all cool moms, she still mostly does exactly what she wants to do - consequences be damned!
Best examples: 

• Marrying Christopher and hiding it from Rory. Seriously?!?!
• Sleeping with Christopher after blindsiding Luke with an ultimatum (did anyone else feel like she was just making up a reason to fuck this one up?)

(Is it any coincidence that both of these involve Christopher, the deadbeat, douchebag boy wonder? GAG!)


7. She keeps sleeping with Christopher.
OMG - I can't even.


8. She's afraid of intimacy.
Unless it's getting it on with Christopher, this gal can't run fast enough from anything resembling intimacy. Every time she gets the chance to be close with someone - whether her parents or a love interest - she hits the road (justified self-righteous reason in hand).
Best example:

• Leaving Max high and dry. SMH

9. She never seems to pay for food or coffee at Luke's.
Maybe this is just a personal pet peeve, but as an independent business owner, she must know how her constant leeching affects Luke. Sometimes we should still pay for our coffee - even if batting our eyes and flirting can help us get it for free.


10. She won't give her own mother a break.
This entry may seem superfluous as it is interwoven through so many of the others, but I really think it goes too far. Of course Emily makes it easy for Lorelai to push her away, but if Lorelai would just put her ego and wounded pride aside for one moment and really listen to her mother (followed by really talking to her mother) I think this relationship could take leaps ahead in short order. Lorelai needs to see Emily through a mother's eyes - it would make all the difference.

Being a mom made me see my mother with completely new eyes. And those new eyes had sympathy, compassion and a level of understanding I never knew before. It doesn't mean I think my mom did everything right, but I know that she did what she thought was right because she loved me. And, really, that's all any of us can do.


Love her or hate her, at the end of the day, it's the extremes of Lorelai that make her a character that we just can't get enough of. And I totally have to admit that her awfulness is part of her overall charm - after all, we're all pretty awful sometimes.

Day #22 - "Gilmore Girls" Words to Live By

"I can be flexible, as long as everything is exactly the way I want it, 

I'm totally flexible."

Day 23 - Not a Blog

Truth be told, it was me who was particularly stupid today, but I took on some extra assignments and totally forgot about another article that was due yesterday! So, needless to say my writing brain is tapped out. In the meantime, enjoy Michel's Gilmore Girls Words to Live By - Day 23.

I Smell Snow

Much to the delight of our beloved Lorelai, we received the first major snowfall of the season today. And, in its honor, I'm changing up my planned post to explore the magic, the wonder, the mystery — and misery — of this seasonal miracle.

My best friend, Terri, doesn't have much in common with Lorelai Gilmore, but one thing that they both adore to a disturbing extent is snow. And they're both a little witchy about it. Lorelai can smell it coming and Terri beckons it with a little penguin totem that sits on her front porch wielding a banner that says, "Let it Snow." 

Terri can also make snow appear — and stay — through reading material. When she was reading the "Twilight" series it rained all summer long (and we live in a desert). Although that's not snow, the same principle applies. She is a witchy, witchy woman and, if she had her way, she'd pull an Elsa and put us in perpetual winter.

I, on the other hand, am not a lover of snow. In fact, I have hated it most of my life. But, in recent years, my resistance to the wet, fluffy, white stuff has started to wane. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even close to loving it Lorelei-style, but I'm beginning to see the allure.

Snow Is Magical
Whenever Lorelai talks about snow, the word magic isn't far behind. She craves the magic so much that she continually freezes out her loved ones — opening windows and dragging them out of bed — to get just one more whiff of that magical snow air. Lorelai says that all the best things in her life have happened in the snow — her best birthday, her daughter's first steps. She views it as a promise of good, unexpected things to come — and I think Terri does the same.

As I've started to look at snow as more than a huge pain in my ass that makes me cold, wet and possibly stuck somewhere getting colder and wetter, I think I'm beginning to understand the magic. At first I just equated that little tingle with the holidays. I've always loved a white Christmas. But that was about all the snow I was willing to take. The week before and the week following Christmas should be snow-filled. But the rest of the year? Forget it. 

Today, however, I looked at the brilliant blanket of white covering the world and felt a little bit of the Terri & Lorelai magic. I felt excited (and possibly delusional). I voluntarily donned my coat, hat, boots and mittens and went outside to shovel the snow — even though I have someone to do that for me.

The snow transforms my barren garden and naked trees into things of beauty. It makes our old dog act like a puppy. It slows everything down and makes the world quiet. Peaceful. Still. A world covered in snow almost feels like a secret. Like anything is possible.

Snow Is Miserable
After my jolly jaunt into the great, white world I became re-acquainted with why snow has never been my one true love. I was a dripping pile of wet — wet hat, wet mittens, wet coat, wet boots. My challenge was to get everything off and in a position to dry without spreading the cold, wet mess throughout my entire house.

Unfortunately, I went in through the back door, but needed to get to the front door to take off my boots. I considered taking them off in the kitchen, but in my efforts to un-drip myself I had pretty much already made the surrounding area around my feet wet. Any attempt to situate myself somewhere else in the kitchen would only lead to more puddles. 

I rested my sopped hat on a barstool over a vent and left a trail of wet footprints and drips across the kitchen to discard my boots and coat in the front entryway. Once everything was hung up I dutifully wiped down the kitchen floor to erase the scene of the crime. However, the more I worked on the floor, the worse it seemed to get. I realized I had enough wet dog prints on the floor that you'd think I ran a kennel. And then I got a good, strong whiff of that wet dog smell. My favorite.

And, once everything was clean and smelling better I looked outside to admire my work only to find it all covered once more in the beautiful, magical, promising (taunting) blanket of unending snow falling from the sky. The snow would always win. Always be one flake ahead of me. I couldn't conquer, control or influence it in any way. Unless having it melt all over me, the dog, and my house when I come inside counts.

I was about to berate myself for giving up so easily on the wonder of snow, and then I remembered Lorelei's falling out with the white stuff. After her magical midnite viewing of the first snow, she woke up to find her jeep frozen, buried and then attacked by a fallen branch that could no longer hold the weight of the wonderful snow. And this tried-and-true snow devotee took it personally — she literally tried to inflict pain on the snow as she dug out her car. 

If snow and all of its dastardly treachery could tear down a true believer like Lorelai, then I shouldn't feel bad for quickly returning to my own natural state, which prefers to be snow-free.

Whether you're a snow lover or a snow leaver, there's no denying that there is something special about those goddamned falling flakes. I may not yet be a true convert to the snow-loving ways of Terri and Lorelai, but I'm closer than ever before. And, as long as it gives me a great excuse to cozy up in front of the fire with a glass of wine, I'll keep giving it the old college try.

Day #24 Gilmore Girls Words to Live By

“I smell snow...it’s just my favorite time of the year. The whole world changes color. 

Flakes, flurries, swirls, crystals — whatever form it comes in, I’ll take it. 

We go back, snow and me — we have a beautiful history. 

Sleigh rides, ice skating, snow ball fights I’ll even take curling...

Hot cocoa, hot toddies - it’s the best time of the year."

12 Things I Love About Lorelai Gilmore

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If mommyhood were high school, then Lorelai Gilmore would definitely be sitting at the cool table. She's hip, she's fun and she's most definitely hot. She's the kind of gal you want to confide in, and she's always good for a laugh, a lark or a scathingly sarcastic come-back.

She's the anti-Donna Reed, and God help us, we love her for it!


In honor of the supremely cool Lorelai, here's my list of the top 12 things about her that absolutely adore.

1. She's a Fierce Momma Bear
Lorelai may move through men faster than Miss Patty can find them, but one thing on which she never wavers if her immovable devotion to Rory. When it comes to dating, no dad (even one cleaning out a gun on the front porch) has ever been more terrifying than Lorelai Gilmore when she's telling Dean, Jess or Logan exactly how things are — and how they're going to be.

2. She Can Do TakeOut Like Nobody's Business
Julia Child she is not, but she can take a phone and a slew of take-away menus and turn them into a mind-boggling feast that only those who dig the Gilmore world can fathom. Whether it's from Luke's, Al's Pancake World, or an odd assortment of Chinese, Indian, and pizza establishments, Lorelai turns ordering takeout into an art form. Rory's inaugural night at the Yale dorm was a masterpiece.

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3. She's Knows How to Do Life Like a Boss
This teenage momma worked her way up from housekeeping and sleeping in the spare shed to owning her own home and, later, her own inn as well. She outsources bake sale projects to the unsinkable (and gastronomically gifted) Sooki, she has coffee running through her veins, and she does it all in figure-hugging wrap dresses and knee-high boots. If she was into musical domination instead of quaint New England inns, she'd definitely give "Empire's" Cookie a run for her hard-earned money.

4. She's 100% Committed to Who She Is
Maybe the reason Lorelai can't seem to say "I Do" to someone else, is because she already tied the knot with herself. There's no talking to this lady when she sets her mind to something — and she doesn't distinguish between that which is good for her and that which is bad. But even when she makes you want to slap her (sleeping with Christopher again?!?!?) you have to admire her commitment to the action at hand. Whether it's stubbornly defying her mother, doggedly supporting Rory or pathetically seeking comfort from her baby daddy, she jumps in with both feet every time.

5. She's the Best Friend a Girl (or Guy) Could Ask For
In the midst of running her inn and single-mumming the hell out of her daughter, Lorelai still manages to make time for the supporting players in her life — most notably Sookie and Luke. Even though she doesn't always follow through (leaving Luke in the lurch on painting party night), she always means well and she usually goes way over the top to make up for her mistakes. She even knows Sookie's pregnant before Sookie does. Lorelai and her friends are woven into one another's lives without reservation and I think that's a beautiful sight.

6. She Loves Cheesy Shit
And I'm not just talking about pizza. Lorelai is in love with things like balloons at birthday parties, wacky town traditions and the first snow of the year. She loves the romance and spectacle of classics like "Casablanca" and "An American in Paris," but equally digs the "Final Destination" franchise and "Hard Bodies." She buys all the candy in Willy Wonka before sitting down to view the movie. She's a dork and she does it balls-out.

7. She Gives Back to the Community
It may seem like the town is always coming to Lorelai's rescue, but they wouldn't be there for her if she wasn't an integral part of the fabric of Stars Hollow. She and Rory are key players in all the town's many festivals and traditions — and when all the guests for the Victorian-themed Bracebridge Dinner get snowed in, she invites the town to come stay at the Inn and enjoy all the goodies (including Jackson in tights and horse-drawn sleigh rides!).

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8. She's Beautifully Flawed
Lorelai has inspired a cult-like following of ladies who look up to her, but the best part is that Lorelai isn't perfect. She messes up a lot. And she messes up spectacularly. In fact, I put forth that Lorelai may have been one of the original "Bad Moms" as brought to us on the big screen by Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn and Kristin Bell. It's great to see a role model that doesn't get everything right.

9. She's Plucky
From its fun pronunciation to its undaunted definition, there's hardly a more apt word out there to describe Momma Gilmore. No matter what happens, she has an uncanny ability to get back up, dust herself off and live to snark another day. Neither fire, nor arrests, nor car accidents, controlling mothers, or bad-boy boyfriends can keep Lorelai Gilmore down.

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10. She Has No Filter
One of her most recognizable traits is her rapid-fire dialogue, chock-full of obscure pop culture references and dripping with sarcasm. Sometimes it's funny, others it's endearing, but every so often it gets her in trouble. 

I don't think Lorelai even knows what an internal monologue is, but that makes her an open book that we get to read. And we get to live vicariously through her often ill-timed rants that put all the posh people on edge — and make them more uncomfortable than the sticks that are so well-placed up their arses.

11. She Eats Dessert First —
— not every time, but Lorelai definitely has no qualms about ordering desert. She's constantly eating donuts, cake, pop tarts, pie, candy, and pretty much anything that's artificially flavored and stuffed with sugar. I just wish I could eat like Lorelai and still keep my girlish figure — I've never seen this junk food junkie work out, and it's simply not fair!

12. She Believes Life is Cause to Celebrate
One thing Lorelai does very well is mark an occasion. She throws killer slumber parties (just ask April), plans elaborate movie nights, simulates Asia in her house when Rory's plans change and takes on four Thanksgivings in one day. Lorelai doesn't hold back when it comes to celebrating life's important moments and she works hard to intentionally create memorable experiences for Rory to take away with her into the world. I've tried to do the same with my kids, and I love it every time Lorelai turns an ordinary Thursday into a special occasion.

Day #25 "Gilmore Girls" Words to Live By

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(In true Paris Gellar form I'm going to write both sides of the issue, because I can - check back tomorrow for Things I Can't Stand About Lorelai Gilmore)