Wednesday, April 29, 2009

What's new pussycat?

If Happiness is a warm puppy, then Neurosis must be a bulimic cat!

For a person not particularly in love with pet ownership and all that comes along with it, I have a strong tendency to collect cats. We currently have two. About a year ago we had seven...twice! We had a hot-mama slut kitty who could not stay un-pregnant long enough to get fixed. I decided that she needed to go live on a farm where she could roam free and multiply to her heart's content, so we traded her in for one of her babies.

It is this baby to which I am now referring. I have noticed for the past week or so, that in addition to his usual erratic and slightly terrifying behavior (flying up and down the stairs like he just had 5 Red Bulls, making the most terrible noises that will not abate--no matter what you do--and basically just being a crazy cat), he has been throwing up...A LOT.

We have all come to recognize the warning signs (and sounds) that let us know he is about to blow. The other day Savannah caught him in time to make sure that as she ran down the stairs to get him off the carpet he was able to spray a nice-sized portion of the carpet at the bottom of the stairs. It was pretty artistic actually--like a lawn sprinkler only with a cat and there wasn't any water.

Upon examining the detritus, I noticed that nearly all the waste is whole--not chewed and certainly not digested. I also noticed that whenever he gets the chance he is running over to his food bowl and scarfing down copious amounts of dry food in record time. It is after these binging incidents that the ensuing vomiting commences.

Gabi observed this last nite and declared that he must be bulimic. I can't fault her logic--the evidence does point in that direction. I wonder if I should consult a pet psychiatrist or even a pet psychic. Is there a cat whisperer who could find out what his major malfunction is and clue me in so I can save his sad, pathetic kitty soul?

Is his eating disorder a symptom of being exposed to too many ridiculously thin model cats on TV and in magazines? Is he crying out for attention? OR (and this one I hate to consider) is his behavior a reflection of neurosis and psychosis and whatever other "osis" means I'M nutty and that I NEED HELP?

Am I transferring my own issues to this poor, not-so-innocent feline? Am I somehow creating an environment that makes him want to off himself? And since he isn't very bright he's using a really long, painful, and roundabout process like bulimia? Am I...wait...Oh my gosh, I did it really IS all about me, isn't it?

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