Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Naughty List

Marius put me on the Naughty List this year. After putting everyone else we know on the Nice List--I got relegated to the Naughty List. So, in honor of the occasion, I thought I'd come up with some of the top reasons why I may be on the Naughty List this year:

I have failed to make good on my "blog a day" proclamation. Friday and Saturday were entirely blogless. I have many reasons and excuses for why, but it's still naughty.

Felicidal Thoughts:
Casper is extra stir-crazy because of the weather. He sits and looks at me and whines. And whines. And whines. I fantasize about doing many, many evil things to him--most of them involving me throwing various implements at his head from across the room.

Road Rage:
Today as I drove up and down the SLC freeways--from Fruit Heights to Sugar House and back home--during the worst weather we've seen so far this year, I swore a blue-streak at the pompous, self-involved SUV-driving jackasses who think that a) the laws of physics couldn't possibly apply to them and b) that their asinine driving practices don't put everyone else on the road at risk. I hate them.

Holidays on Ice and You Better Not Cry:
Oh, and don't forget The Stupidest Angel. There's no heartwarming "Night Before Christmas" or "Polar Express" on my Christmas reading list. I relish the pithy, cynical take on the holidays as presented by my dear, dear favorites David Sedaris & Augusten Burroughs. Not only do these tales of yuletide woe and wonderment from the naked, dirty world of reality make me laugh out loud, but they pull at my little heartstrings as well--Augusten even drove me to wipe away a tear after something he said "got in my eye."

Lying to Little Children:
This may actually be a contributor to Marius' judgment. I have told him (and his brother Darien) a variety of untruths over the past year (all in good fun of course, and to motivate them to behave well, etc.). My favorite being that if they didn't start keeping their hands to themselves, I was going to chop them off. When they didn't believe me, Terri joined in and told them that their hands would be added to my collection. Now that we were in the zone, I decided to continue embellishing the tale. By the time we were finished, Savannah and Gabi were on their fourth or fifth pair of hands each: their current ones are robotic. If those boys didn't leave each other alone, they were going to become cyborgs just like my girls.

I'm sure that there are many other reasons for me being placed on the Naughty List, but those are the top ones that sprang to mind. Feel free to share your reasons for my Naughty List status or your arguments for why I might be able to slide onto the Nice List--there's still time for my fate to be changed!

Holly Jolly & all that Jazz! :)


Jeff H said...

Christmas is the BOMB! And yes you are naughty!

Sicko!! said...

So this is how i figure out i am a cyborg. Thanks mom!